I’m not really sure how to start this so I’ll just start writing…

I left for Colorado for the Wild at Heart Boot Camp and had low expectations, along with this sense that I would rather stay home with the family and baby Paige than go. On the one hand I was looking forward to unplugging and spending time with some friends and particularly God, but on the other I was in place a spiritually that I didn’t think I had much to work through in regard to the Ransom Heart message. Man was I wrong…

Here is the best way I know how to explain it and then I’ll talk a little about the impact it has had on me. Imagine your heart healthy with no sores or wounds… Now imagine over time you taking some hits and/or arrows (As Eldredge says) from life, whether it is from decisions you have made, things that have happened to you or things that have been said to/of you. Now lets just say your looking at your heart with all these scars, wounds and arrows; most of which you know exactly how you got them, when they happened and how they are or aren’t healing…

Well that is where I was prior to the trip. I felt like I had it all in pretty good control and knew I had a few things I needed to work through, but felt as if “I was good”. Then as the sessions continued and time alone with God went on I quickly realized I didn’t have all the scars, wounds and arrows accounted for. There were/are so many that I had never seen… There were/are so many that I’d rather leave alone, but God wants to do something with/in them.

This is when I suddenly realized… Wow I am way more broken than I thought I was… I underestimated my wounds much like I underestimated The Screamer (You’ll have to ask about that one).

I went there as a man who was living a dream that God had for my life and is loving it, a man who is blessed beyond measure. A man who has a great wife, 3 beautiful healthy kids, a great job, great friends, in good health and no real complaints with life… I left a man with all these same things, but a man that now sees life through a different set of lenses.

What if you could experience something that would not only allow you to see your wounds, but start to heal them? What if you came to the realization that there is a God that believes in you? What if you could dig deep inside to those places you have long been hiding, so much so that you had forgotten you had or maybe you didn’t even know they were there? What if you could allow yourself to let go and allow God to touch these areas without knowing what He wants to do? What if you simply sat on the side of a mountain that God Himself created and allowed Him to love you like a Father? What if you were able to see where you have made agreements with the enemy in regard to the person you are, the man you are, the father you are, the husband you are, the employee you are, the leader you are? What if you realized those agreements become self-fulfilling and are lies straight from hell?

Well I had 4 days of God answering/revealing these things and much more… I had a cry on the side of a mountain that was so life giving I can’t adequately put into words… I had moments with God that I pray I never forget and that I get to experience over and over in my life.

What if you were able to go somewhere, experience something that gives you this lease on life, this outlook that things can be so much better… Even when you thought things were great… What if you were able to get a key that opens up so many answers, but brings so many questions? What if you could see with such clarity that God doesn’t just call us to passivity, but calls us to fight for what was ours. What if you left with a better understanding at what is at stake and what is needed to fight this battle we call life?

Imagine the impact of that type of experience… When you do I’ll say keep dreaming, because I’m not sure all that gives justice to what was experienced in 4 short days on the side of a mountain in Colorado.

- Rainey

I accepted Christ about 9 years ago and early in my faith I felt a prompting to get into Ministry full-time and struggled for years trying to figure out what that meant. As I continued to wrestle with that idea I started to get discouraged that I was wrong and after many failed attempts I started to wonder if I had ever really felt the prompting at all…

Well it was a year ago today that I officially started in full-time Ministry. It was one year ago that I fulfilled a God given dream and started an adventure that has been so life giving that I often wonder “why me”? This past year has been simply amazing for so many reasons and one of those is the growth I’ve experienced.

As I reflect this past year I can’t help, but think about all that I am learning… I’m learning how to be more in-tune with God and how to listen to His subtle, but clear voice. I’m learning how to act when prompted by the Spirit to do something, more now than ever before. I’m learning how to listen and lead better. I’m learning how to be a better father, husband, friend and teammate. I’m learning how to seek out those who have gone before me and ask for advise and help. One of the most important things I’m learning is humility…

Humility is key… I’m learning without it you can only go so far in Ministry, because without it you will be too worried that someone else is going to do something better than you and get all the “credit”. But once we realize that God gets the credit and we are only asked to do our part and encourage those who are better gifted in some areas than we are to do His work, then we start to hit the sweet spot. It is then momentum happens…

I’ve also learned trust… Not just trusting in God and others, but trusting me… Trusting that God has called me and that has been on of the biggest growth areas this past year.

As I have been reflecting I decided to skim through my journal from my Two Mexico Mission Trips and I ran across something… I received my official offer letter the day before I left for my First ever Mission Trip in July of 08. So I knew going down that I was going to accept the offer and fulfill this dream God had given me years ago… And on the first morning during our quiet time I was simply looking at the beautiful view of the mountain range and I felt like God spoke to me and I wrote these words down; “Haven’t I given you your hearts desires? Then desire the things of My heart”.

Ouch! Those words crushed me and for the last year that has been my prayer… I feel like the more I pray that, the more He changes me… But that isn’t all… I’ve told many people about that morning and it is so vivid in my memory that I can recall how those words were received by me, but I NEVER knew I had written these other 7 words until today. These 7 words reinforce my trust growth.

They are; “And do what you know to be true”… And do what I know to be true… What I know to be true is this; God has called me do spread the Good News of Christ, to love those who have been forgotten, to speak for those who don’t have a voice, to walk with those who are lost and to encourage those who need it.

I know that as I seek God He will help me seek others, because that is what Gods heart desires… Gods heart is for those who don’t know Him and my job is to serve Him in helping close that gap. If you know Him then my job is to equip you to do the same.

I absolutely have the best job going… I have this statement that sums up my life; I’m living the dream, but it isn’t mine… It’s better!

Trust me friends… It is true…

- Rainey

So my wife is pregnant with our Third child, which could arrive any day now and it has me feeling many emotions. On one hand I am so excited I can barely contain myself, because I love babies… Especially mine. But on the other hand I’m concerned about what life is going to look like trying to readjust our lives with a baby in the house. We haven’t had to do that in sometime.

Then the other day I was driving to a meeting and I started to think about when Morgan was born and all the emotions that I felt. I remember that moment when she made her arrival and I quickly counted her fingers and toes, and how I waited to hear her cry to tell me everything was going to be OK. I remember Janna holding her for the first time as I cried with joy. I remember holding her thinking to myself; “I am responsible for raising this child” and it shaking me. I remember being so proud to be her father. I also remember thinking; “I can’t believe how much I love her… already”.

Ever since that day I have had the belief that unless you have children you can’t understand the love a parent has for a child. I tell my girls all the time, that they will never understand the love I have for them and they won’t. They will never know how a father feels about their daughter(s) simply because they will never be a father.

As I reflected on all those sleepless nights, all the crying, the hundreds of dirty diapers, the first cold, the first bath, starting to crawl, her first step, her first word, etc. I can’t help but wonder about Paige… I can’t help, but wonder how much I will love her…

Well during my drive as I was thinking about all these things I felt like God said; “Imagine how I feel when someone makes the decision to follow me, imagine how I felt Andy (Insert your name here) when you made the decision to call me Father, when you were born (again)”.

It was a powerful moment… I started to look at my walk with God and I reflected on my spiritual journey and I started to wonder… How does God feel when we cry, when we start to grow in our faith. I wonder how God feels when we make a mess and He cleans it up, but we don’t realize what He has done. I wonder how much He loves me (us)?

Just as my daughters will never understand how much a father loves a daughter(s), I will never know how much God loves me (us)…

When Paige comes into this world we will celebrate, but it will be nothing like the celebration that happens in heaven when someone accepts Jesus Christ as their Savior.

- Rainey

I just wrapped up a great week at SOS which is a week where over 900 students from 14 different states blitzed the city to show God’s love in practical ways.

To say it was a great week would be an understatement, but it was also a venue to be in a position to hear God’s voice. I say “in a position” only to say this; For me it is much easier to hear God when I put myself in a position where there are “set times” to listen for God and SOS provided many avenues to do that.

I’ll share two… One was when we were practicing hearing from God (The instructor pointed out that when we practice God doesn’t… Love that) and we would stand in a circle and one by one we would stand in the middle and pray for about 30 seconds. Then the person in the middle would turn to each person as they shared what they thought they heard God tell them about that person, and it was so encouraging to hear the students speak life giving things to each other. It was also encouraging to hear the students confirm that most of what was shared was true.

When it came to be my turn to stand in the middle I half hoped time would run out… Not because I didn’t want to hear from God, but because I was afraid of what He might say… I have for a while now felt this feeling like God was chasing me to tell me something, but I have felt that I wasn’t ready to hear it.

Well time didn’t run out and God I believe used one of the students to confirm something I have felt for sometime and when it was spoken over me I wanted to let it go and not accept it, but I couldn’t… I can’t. I know, that I know, that I know it is true and I know, that I know, that I know I need to walk in it… It was one word, but it was a GREAT one that I needed to hear.

Number Two… On Wednesday Jeremy Camp led Worship and Beth Gukenburger gave the message that night. After Beth was done with her message she invited students to come forward for prayer and asked the leaders to come up to pray for them. I immediately felt as if I should go and pray for students, but as I looked at the stage there were so many leaders already up that I decided to just stay put.

I was sitting in an auditorium that seats somewhere around 1,500 people arguing with God that I wasn’t needed to go up and pray for anyone. Then somehow Kande Wilson finds me in the mass of people and asks me to go up and pray… Um, OK God I got it.

As I walk on the stage to look for students with their hand raised indicating they need someone to pray for them I felt a sense of excitement and I felt like I needed to run to the gentleman who had his hand raised… And after a quick introduction I asked the standard question; “Is there something specific I can pray for you about?” And it was on…

What God did in those few minutes on that stage, standing 10′ from Jeremy Riddle was amazing… As the tears fell down this young mans face I felt the presence of God. When the prayer ended I was so grateful to play a part of that moment and I was so thankful that Kande found me, but mostly I was in awe that God wouldn’t allow me to sit in my seat.

There are many things that are still swirling around in my head from the past week, but mostly it is all the ways God spoke to me that week. I was again reminded that in order to play apart, you can’t just sit in your seat and watch… You have to get up and do.

- Rainey

We just launched a new series at LPV called The Warrior and during the studying for this series I’ve run up against a lot of John Eldredge stuff that has me thinking a lot about my wound… Eldredge would argue that we all have one and even when I read the book and went through one of the groups I couldn’t really find one??? I certainly felt the pressure to have one, even to make up one, which I probably did. But in all honesty I don’t know what it would have been or what it could be…

Now I do say there is a moment that I remember very vividly when my Dad said to me “I’m so disappointed in you”, but it was a self induced moment… Meaning it is something I probably deserved and since then my Dad has said over and over that He is proud of me. There was a moment in my driveway at my house that will forever be etched into my mind…

I’m also really looking forward to October when I will be joining a group of Men for an Eldredge Boot camp. Perhaps it will be there that my wound is revealed OR perhaps it is there it is confirmed that I don’t have one…

Anyway, all this studying and thinking has me concerned… I have Two unbelievable little girls and in July I’ll be a father to a Third little girl, baby Paige. Now I know this idea of The Wound in the Eldredge since is mainly dedicated to the Father/Son relationship, but I believe it applies to the Parent/Child relationship. Which scares the crap out of me…

I know that I am in a position to speak life into my girls or death… Really if we are honest with ourselves it is the only option we have with our words… LIFE or DEATH?

I try to do as much as I can to tell my girls that I believe in them, that they are beautiful, that I am proud of them, that I am for them… But is it enough? Will I or have I already done something that has caused a wound? Can I repair it? If not will they seek God so that He can repair it? Will they forgive me? Or will they believe the lie?

It is tremendous pressure to think about, but it is also a tremendous honor to be their father.

Abi, Morgan and Paige… One day you may run across this blog for some unknown reason and if you do I want you to know that I am sitting at a Starbucks, tearing up while I type these words… If I have done something to wound you, Please forgive me… I LOVE YOU! I’m not sure you will ever understand a Fathers love… I am so proud of you, I believe in you and there is nothing you can do to prevent me from loving you… I pray you become the Women God has created you to be… I pray that whomever is lucky enough to marry you understands and treats you like the Princess you are.

Love Dad.

I recently had a conversation with a friend that has me thinking about the story in 1 Samuel 14 about Jonathan and his armor-bearer. Let me set the stage a bit…

Israel’s king Saul attacks their main enemy the steelers… I mean the Philistines ;o) at one of their outpost’s and the Philistines don’t take the attack very well, so they assemble to fight Israel. As a matter of fact they form an army so large and outfitted with so many weapons that the army of Israel is struck with fear (1 Samuel 13:6&7).

It goes on to say in verse 22 “not a soldier with Saul and Jonathan (Saul’s son) had a sword or spear in his hand; only Saul and his son Jonathan had them”. Let that sink in for a moment… Only TWO people had weapons against 3,000 chariots, 6,000 charioteers, and soldiers as numerous as the sand on the seashore (1 Samuel 13:5).

Then it happens… Jonathan and his armor bearer go over to the Philistines outpost on the other side away from his father Saul and the Israel army and with one statement everything changes. Verse 1 Samuel 14:6 Jonathan says “Come, let’s go over to the outpost of those uncircumcised fellows. Perhaps the Lord will act in our behalf. Nothing can hinder the Lord from saving, whether by many or by few.”

Did you catch it? There is so much packed in here, but I just want to point out the 8 words that jump off the page to me… Perhaps the Lord will act in our behalf.

The odds are stacked against him… He is one of two people that have weapons and somehow Jonathan believes it is enough??? I sometimes struggle having enough faith to believe that I can be the father that God has called me to be and Jonathan’s faith is big enough to believe God will act on his behalf to take down an entire army…

If you don’t know how the story ends go read it… If you know the story read the book Chasing Daylight by Erwin McManus.

Either way what area in your life do you need to make the decision to make a move and say Perhaps the Lord will act in (y)our behalf.

I’d love to hear your thoughts…

- Rainey

Ever since I can remember I hated to lose… I mean hate! I remember many times after losing at something I would hide under my bed because I didn’t really know how to deal with my emotions or the embarrassment I felt. It didn’t matter if we were playing cards or racing to the car… I had to win!

I wish I could say that was just when I was younger and that I grew out of it… But I didn’t. It spilled into my teenage years, my twenties and now I am in my early thirties and I still feel that same fire when playing anything. I adapted this saying in my teenage years that I still feel to be true today… There is only one thing I’m not good at and that is losing.

I am the worst loser… I don’t handle it well and back when I was active I’m shocked my friends would put up with me… I wanted to win at all cost! I wouldn’t break the rules, but I would stretch them and be the rule enforcer.

I am now much more mature, but anytime I am in a situation that is competitive I feel that fire inside me and often times I ignore it because I’m afraid that I will embarrass myself with my competitive drive.

I now find myself wondering why I ignore it? Does winning really matter? Is my competitive drive “Christian”? The more I think about it the more I am convinced it is how God created me. I am not the quickest, the most talented, the smartest, most athletic, best looking, toughest, strongest or even the wisest guy… But more times than not I win! There is almost nothing I won’t sacrifice for winning.

Certainly there are boundaries that keep this desire or obsession healthy, but winning is Biblical. Christ wins… Love wins… The Bible even tells us to “run in such a way as to get the prize (1 Corinthians 9:24)”.

I like to take on the best… I like to find out what I am made of… I like the thrill of winning… What I need to work on is how I go about doing it… Winning I believe is Biblical… How we go about winning tells a lot about us.

If you call yourself a believer in Christ then we should be “running the race in such a way to get the prize”… What does your life say about the way you are running?

Mine is screaming that there is always someone out there that is a much better runner, but my continued determination and focus on Christ will help me become a much better runner. I just have to keep my eye on the prize… That prize is the one who created me and if I continue to strive for Him, then I will continue to grow and in the end… I’ll win!

Are you a winner?
Does it matter if you win or lose?
Do you believe winning is Biblical?
What are you doing to make sure you are “running the race to win?”

I’d love to hear your thoughts…

- Rainey