I knew when I started this 3 part blog I would take some time between part 2 and part 3, but I didn’t think it would be 4 1/2 months. With that said… Here we go.
I will not adequately be able to put into words the range of emotions I felt from Saturday to Saturday… It was a week where I saw, felt and heard God move in big ways.
To better understand it might be helpful to read part 1 and part 2.
It really is hard to believe all this happened in one week, but it did. It was a normal Friday night and we were having what has turned into what we call our bff night with some neighbors my wife and I have gotten to know very well. Anyway, the phone rings and my caller ID says “Dad’s Cell” and I instantly know something is wrong. My dad is 80 years old and doesn’t really know how to use the cell phone he recently purchased… I answer and it isn’t my dad on the other end, it’s my mom.
Even now… 4 1/2 months later, simply typing this is bring all the emotions back. My mom tells me that dad has had a stroke, not only that it was days before she decided to call me AND days before she was able to convince him to go to the hospital. I still remember walking around back and forth on the back deck with my mind racing… It’s surreal to think about really.
The early diagnosis is that there will most likely be affects from the stroke that will affect him the rest of his life, but only time will tell on what those will be. The next few days seem long and then Sunday comes… On my way to Church I decide to call the hospital and check in on my dad and see how things are going and that is when it became real.
As I finish up the conversation with my mom she asks if I want to talk to dad… I don’t, I didn’t want to… But I figure he could use to hear a few other voices so I say yes. I don’t know how I got to Church that day… I couldn’t tell you if I ran every light or drove in the other lane. One thing I’m 100% certain of, as soon as I heard my dad’s voice I wanted to get off that phone as soon as I could.
It was obvious that my dad wasn’t the same… It was obvious that he was trying to act like everything was OK, like it’s always been. That’s my dad, always being strong, never showing a weakness, always in control… Growing up I saw that as a strength, something I admired, I strived to be like. That was until Christ chased me down and changed everything.
Being strong is a strength, but not ever showing when you’re scared, when you’re in over your head, not admitting when you don’t have all the answers, when you are wrong… That isn’t a strength.
Anyway… I got off the phone with my dad as soon as I could and I cried… I was angry that this happened and I was so upset that there was nothing I could do, I was helpless. Which is exactly where God wants us sometimes and this was one of those times.
Well fast forward to now… 4 1/2 months have passed and I haven’t seen my dad since September, but I talked to him on Thanksgiving and he sounded great! Like his old self… Now time will tell if he acts as good as he sounds, I know that his health and age have certainly affected my dad, I know that my dad isn’t the same man I grew up with… But I tell you this; God has answered my pleas, my begging… I know that doesn’t always happen and it won’t always happen, but He did this time.
My dad has recovered well beyond the man I spoke with on the phone that day on the way to church. I know there will be a day sooner than I want when my dad won’t be around to talk to on the phone or talk to about the weather in florida, so my pleads have changed.
I’m now pleading with God for strength, courage and opportunities… Opportunities to tell my dad how much I love him, how crucial he has been to me, what a great dad he was and is. Strength to step into situations that my dad simply can’t do anymore, but is too stubborn to realize. Strength to lean into conversations to let dad know what Christ has done in my life… Lastly courage; Courage to speak boldly about who Christ is and all that He offers.
I don’t want to look back on this time and not have a conversation with my dad about eternity… I simply can’t sit by and wonder if he accepted Christ, I have to ask him for myself. If I don’t the week from heaven and hell could very easily turn into a lifetime of regret, which is another way of saying hell.
-Rainey
