My earliest memories of my Dad were playing golf, camping, scaring each other, Saturday morning biscuits and gravy, and bringing him lunch in the summer while he worked a second job painting houses.
My Dad picked up golf later in life, but it seemed as if he leveraged as much time as he could to get on a golf course. He would bring me along to ride and drive the cart and I’d chip and putt around the greens. I vividly remember getting so burnt onetime that my arms blistered. Before you begin to judge, this is when sunscreen was SPF 4, 6 or 8 and they hadn’t yet invented the easy apply aerosol.
For several summers both my Dad and I worked at the same golf course, a little 9 hole course on the same property that we would camp every weekend and eventually move too. Dad was club champion several years in a row and I was lucky enough to win once myself. Keep in mind we weren’t scratch golfers, thank goodness for handicaps.
I remember those years the best, playing golf with Dad. I remember the first time I beat him when I was 15, I shot 43. My Dad never hit the ball far, but he hit it straight and his short game was solid. It’s because of Dad that I have the love of golf.
My Dad at 60 years old would outwork me, he just never stopped, he was always doing something. When he would come visit he would ask for a list of things to do and no matter how long that list was, he would have it done in a few days.
He never missed a day of work in 35 years… Let that sink in a minute…
I never doubted his love for me, or my siblings. I knew he worked hard to provide for us, but it wasn’t until God blessed me with a family that I realized how hard he actually worked.
What does any of this have to do with Grieving, Mourning and Loss?
To Grieve means to experience great distress.
To Mourn means to show deep sorrow, feel regret or sadness.
To experience Loss is a bit more vague. Loss can come in the form of numbness, disbelief, shock, and figuring out “new normal.” Among many other forms.
Yesterday, May 21st around 8:30AM I received a call you never want to receive, but one I had been expecting for days. The caller ID read Mom and I knew what it meant, I answered and I heard the words “Dad passed around 8:30 this morning.”
I was surprisingly emotionless at that moment and my concern was for my Mom and what she needed. As I was hanging up with her, my brother was calling on the other line and still I didn’t have much emotion. Then as I told my wife, the tears flowed.
Death I’m learning, no matter how much you think you’re ready for it, you aren’t.
My Dad was 90 and the last several years you could see life was getting the best of him. He was one of the most selfless men I’ve ever known, so much so he would forgo a project at home for a project for someone else.
As I look how God created me I see Dads personality, his quick-wittedness, the affectionate way he loved Mom and his quick to anger. He was a red head after all.
I find myself experiencing Grief, Mourning and Loss at different times of the day.
My Grief or my distress is more about what the next few weeks bring, than about Dad.
My Mourning is sadness… Sadness that Dad won’t be sitting poolside during the Rainey get togethers. Sadness Dad won’t be around to see my kids graduate High School, get married or have kids.
The Loss is what I’m experiencing most… No longer will I be able to hug, kiss or sit next to Dad. I’ve lost that ability in the flesh to do so. I have lost the ability to talk to Dad on the phone as we talk about how great the weather is in Florida and how he is keeping himself busy.
Although I’m experience Grief, Mourning and Loss I am at peace.
Philippians 4:7 says; “the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
I believe I am experiencing that peace… I felt it wash over me as I hung up that phone. It doesn’t mean I am not emotional at times, it simply means I am not disturbed that Dad has gone on to meet Jesus. Right now Dad is experience what we speculate this side of heaven. Dad is in a paradise that scripture tells us “no eye has seen, no ear has heard, no heart or mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love Him.
I had 42+ year with my Dad… I know the impact he has had on my life and as I look at my kids I not only ask myself the question; how many years do I have with them? I ask the question; will my life have an impact on them, like Dad had on mine?
As I think about the days ahead I’m hopeful and excited.
I’ve already experienced how God has used this time for good. I had 3 or 4 great days with my Mom and siblings while visiting my Dad in the hospital. I was able to spend Mothers Day with my Mom for the first time in probably 25 years. I feel closer to my brother and sister because of this and my heart for my Mom has expanded.
I’m seeing the good, I’m experiencing the blessings of the family Mom and Dad created. I believe we will be closer because of this.
I know there will be tough days. I know the year of “firsts” will be difficult at times. I know there will be times I will wish Dad was around. But I know I will get to see him again.
A little over a week ago I played in a golf scramble, just hours after I received the call that Dad fell and was in the hospital and the outlook wasn’t good. As I looked over the first putt on that first hole I was reminded of how Dad introduced me to the game and his solid short game. I said a silent prayer as I stood over the 25′ putt, stroked it and watched it fall dead center of the cup. I didn’t make that putt, Dad did.
Dad, start working on that golf game because when we see each other again I’m coming after you.
Andy Rainey 
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